A Moral Tale
by Evela Skye
Summary: As Keith Barret would say...'It's just a bit of fun'
1. A Moral Tale

**Disclaimer – **Unfortunately I am not J.K.Rowlingand so I do not own any of the characters. I am merely borrowing them for some drunken entertainment, which I do not profit from, but if I could wow that'd be fun!

**Explanation - **Me and my friend LUcius were thinking and going through my unfinished fanfics whenwe stumbledupon this. And then immediately came up withall the different scenarios which are featured within. We realised that we are a bit strange in our taste, and that some of this will not make sense. However, ifyou have any questions, we will be happy to answer them, and confuse you further. At the end of each chapter, we will make a note of our influences, which are many. We hope you enjoy our little bit of sillyness and fluff. As an extra bit of fun, try and spot all the fanfiction cliches that we have used.

mwahs

love n slugs

* * *

**A Moral Tale**

The Beginning.

When young wizards find that they have successfully completed their time at Hogwarts. They're overwhelmed by emotions, they are sad to leave Hogwarts and the safety of childhood, but they are also happy and excited to be moving onto the new adventures being an adult will bring.

As a result of all these emotions, most students find themselves at some sort of drinking establishment with a group of their fifty closest friends. Many landlords made a good profit this time of year.

This year was no exception. When a certain young Harry Potter and his friends Hermione, Ron, Neville, Dean, Seamus and the rest of their year sauntered into Hogsmede. Although they would soon be leaving the sauntering behind them and employ a gait that somewhat resembled staggering.

Of course some notable exceptions to this gathering being a few stuck-up Slytherins (or more commonly known as Draco and his cronies). They weren't really missed and even if they did come they would most likely have been ignored or at the centre of some weeklong bar brawl. After the difficulties in the past, this celebration was just what Harry needed to relax, spend some time with friends and drink enough of the old falling down juice so that not only will he forget his own name, but also he won't recover the power of speech and the use of his limbs for at least a month. Ah kids these days.

Well on the evening of the last N.E.W.T. exam all seventh year students were given permission to travel into Hogsmede to celebrate. There wasn't any point in trying to keep them in the castle, they'd only try to sneak out or worse sneak alcohol in, and that would cause a great deal of disturbance. The younger years are bad enough without encouragement.

Around forty students headed into the village to make as much noise and mess as the Weasley twins can manage in an hour. The people of Hogsmede never truly realised the number of students, as they seemed to move about in groups of about three to six. This certainly didn't seem as bad as a Hogsmede weekend. Harry was walking with Hermione, Ron and Neville. However, under a certain invisibility cloak Ginny and Luna were hidden. They were laughing and joking as they walked into Hogsmede and into The Three Broomsticks. The group went to find a table that hadn't already been claimed by, now slightly intoxicated, students. Luckily they found one inacorner of the room, which proved an ideal place to conceal the fact that two of their number should have been bored out of their minds in common rooms in Hogwarts.

"So of course, lets get down to business here guys, drinks!" Harry said still standing by the table.

"Yes, well I think we should start off slowly, get warmed…" Hermione said as she helped the struggling pair of sixth years out of an invisibility cloak. This situation was made worse by the uncontrollable amount of giggling erupting from the entanglement at Hermione's words.

"We're here to get drunk Herm, we don't know what you were planning!" chorused the occupants of the table. Hermione looked startled and embarrassed.

"Fine then" she said indignantly "I'll drink whatever you put in front of me." Harry smiled at her whilst everyone else looked shocked. It seemed that he was the only person so far to realise the full potential of her statement.

"Okay Miss Granger, we'll accept your challenge." Harry and his hormones were going to love to see her lose herself, maybe she'd even strip.

* * *

We haven't got any references here, so we felt that we should just say something, a sort of homage to Mr. (I gotta) Biggerstaff 'I poke badgers with spoons' 


	2. A Moral Tale Round One

AN. Yes. We are aware of how short this chapter is, but like the books, each new installment will get longer, we promise.

Please Review- We'll like you more.

****

**

* * *

**

****

**First Round.**

Harry strode over to the bar and tipped Madam Rosmerta a huge wink.

"Evenin' Harry" she greeted him.

"Ah, good evening, I think drinks are in order to celebrate the end of our time at school, so I would like eight of your deadliest cocktails."

"Starting the night with a bang then young Potter." She smiled at him as she poured the drinks which of course being magical kept changing colour and the strong smell suggested they could blow your head off at the mere sight of one.

"Madam Rosmerta?"

"Yes Harry?"

"What's in them?"

"Ah, Harry, a lady has to have a lot of secrets, but they are called Hogwarts Hurrahs and were invented by four mischievous former students, No need to tell you which gentlemen I refer to. Now do be careful with these, please don't spill them, I've only just had the place repaired from last year." Harry carried the tray of drinks back over to the table, where they were received with great excitement.

"Harry I think a toast is in order" Seamus said. Harry really hoped Seamus didn't expect him to do it.

" Yeah, Harry make a speech." The rest of the table chipped in. Seems they did expect him to do it.

"Okay," he said "Thank you to everyone for being my friend and here's to a great time tonight. Hurrah!" Which was met with a table full of "Hurrahs"

Everyone took a drink and were just about to set their glasses on the table again when they noticed that Hermione hadn't touched hers.

"Hermione, if you don't want to drink it, that is okay." Ron said

"Oh, it's not that I just wanted to prove that I was going to drink it" At this she looked over at Harry who just smiled.

"Well go ahead my dear." Dean suggested. So she did.

Hermione was now laughing uncontrollably, but she wasn't alone. This drink is very potent and its prime function is to render the drinker as drunk as possible, in the least amount of time. Students really are cheapskates and will always try to get the best return for their money. As soon as everyone had caught up with her they found a lot of things amusing.

"Can you believe Snapey got married?" Asked Ginny, her face was glowing pink now and her hair was coming loose.

"What are you talking about Snapey isn't married? Replied Ron with matching glow.

"No wait" She giggled "That wasn't real."

"Aww, isn't she special!"i drawled Draco. Everyone jumped when they saw him and Neville let a loud and slightly, no, extremely brave, "dun dun durrrrrrrn". Which sent more hysterics around the table. Draco of course was not a particularly happy bunny over this situation. He had desperately wanted to make some sort of dramatic entrance preferably, so at least one table would notice him, but he had arrived a little too late, and nobody was very impressed since the party was already in full swing.

"Damn it!" he thought and stormed off to the bar in a way that couldn't possibly be mistaken for camp. He ordered and stood at the bar to drink. He was, as Hermione noticed, all on his lonesome.

"Okay Peeps, it's my turn now!" called Hermione over the chatter and giggles at the table.

"What?" exclaimed a shocked Harry, who thought that she had found that their recent conversation was actually a good idea, especially in a hot bar crowded with rampant teenagers, and that the stripping was about to begin.

"No, Harry, I'm going to get drinks" who still managed to sound bossy even when getting off her tits drunk.

* * *

i Bit of LUcius there. 


	3. A Moral Tale Round Two Attempt One

AN- They are getting longer, they are! We promise!

Thank you for sticking with us.

**

* * *

**

Second Round Attempt One.

****

Hermione did her best to walk in a straight line on her way to the bar. She was especially keen not to fall over after just one drink. Draco looked up from staring into the bottomless pit of despair that was his drink, with all the enthusiasm of an extra from an Emo music video. Hermione wobbled over to where Draco was propped, looking slightly sorry for him self.

"Now Draco! You can't dangle the bogus carrot of possible reconciliation in front of our face whilst riding some other donkey."

"Donkey's Granger? Has somebody been at the Vino collapso!"

"No you ladle! You promised Dumbledore you'd be pleasant"

"But I do sarky so well!"

"Tut! You're such a QUEEN!"

"I am not a Queen!"

A voice came from the corner, Neville was feeling brave tonight.

"Well if the tiara fits!"

" Isn't EVERYONE in Hogwarts gay!" Draco grumbled into his Mai Tai.

"Interesting outfit." He said in an attempt to seem agreeable.

" Oh…. thanks." Exclaimed a shocked Herm-own-ninnee "Thought I'd make an effort"

"Mm, yeah. I can really see what you tried to do".

Well he did try kids. Hermione however due to alcohol was completely unaware of any social faux pas on Dracos part, ploughed on in her newfound friendship.

"You're such a boo! Ain't he cute, ain't he cute, he tries to be evil but look he's soooo coot!" she screeched to the far corner of rather unimpressed Gryffindors.

"Good cod Granger! You're having a giraffe!"

* * *

References:

SPACED (lots of WE LOVE YOU SIMON PEGG!)

Will and Grace

Our flat

Evela, Katie and LUcius.


	4. A Moral Tale Round Two Attempt Two

AN- This one's longer! See!

**

* * *

**

**Second Round: Attempt Two.**

Harry, his throat now dryer than the Sahara, realised he wasn't going to get a drink any time soon. This was due to the fact that that a, no longer bushy-haired Hermione, who'd gotten surprisingly hot over the summer, was fawning all over a now buff Draco. He had to go over to the bar and remind Hermione that her 'friends' in the corner were in need of vast amounts alcohol in order to forget the embarrassing spectacle she was making of herself. And after only one drink as well! Harry was aware as he walked up to his friend that, a certain part veela was eyeing him up all over.

"Hello Malfoy" he said as he approached. "This is a social event, why aren't you wearing leather?" Harry said with a smirk on his face.

"They're in for cleaning. You filled out nicely over the summer, and I noticed you aren't speaking in CAPSLOCK anymore"

"Yus! Thankyou!"

As the boys were spitting venom at each other, with all the grace of Oscar Wilde. A devastatingly beautiful young lady was edging ever closer to Harry. Harry however was suffering from, by now severe dehydration, was only capable of thinking of his next drink. He convinced Hermione to return to her Gryfinndor friends in the corner, but not before he had got the money from her for the next round.

It was as Harry returned to the table that, the suspiciously close brothers, Fred and George arrived in a blaze of noise and light. Or at least that's how it seemed to Harry, but then again he was in the process of downing a drink that was nearly as strong as a pan-galactic-gargle-blaster. Due to their God-like status in the group, they were immediately bought drinks.

"George, you came" Luna exclaimed, as she suddenly cottoned on to what was going on.

"Na! I just spilt me drink"

"Hello everybody! Are you all having fun at this…" started Fred.

"What is it...what is it…?" finished George, clicking his fingers whilst trying to think.

"Well…yeah what is it! Are we talking a gathering, a shindig or a hootenanny?"

"What's the difference?" asked Ron

"Well, a gathering is brie, mellow song stylings"

"Shindig, dip, less mellow song stylings, perhaps a large amount of…"

"malt beverage; and hootenanny, well, it's chock full of hoot, just a little bit of nanny" the twins explained.

"Oh…no this is a night out. Comprising of mainly Pork scratchings, copious amounts of any alcohol we can get our filthy little mitts on and if we're lucky, getting off with an ugly bird at the end of the night. Or yes Hermione ok, white blonde sex god" Ron added, as he saw Hermione was about to object. Ron however was hoping that she would protest more to this statement.

Hermione sat and giggled. Ron scowled.

And it was about this time that that bright spark Seamus suggested a game of spin the bottle, wizard version of course, which means that anything goes, and it goes with a bang and loud puff of coloured smoke. At this point Ginny immediately showed her interest in this prospective project and promptly pulled a specially prepared bottle from the depths of her bag.

"Great!" said Fred.

"Super!" said George.

"I think you should go first Ginny" suggested Seamus, with a horny Irish glint in his eyes.

Ginny didn't need telling twice, her expert fingers were around that bottle quicker than any boy at that table could drink. (Except Seamus of course, because he's Irish).

The bottle span against the wood of the table, the sound of glass and wood instantly held everyone's attention as they watched it spin. Several people held their breath for dramatic effect while the bottle inevitably but agonisingly came to a halt. After a few dares were Ginny had to kiss various people at the table, she spun the bottle and it landed on Ron. She drunkenly slouched forwards with her eyes closed and lips pouty. Her lips were millimetres from Ron's when he said…

"Um, Ginny. I can't kiss you!"

"Why not?" she asked with big puppy dog's eyes.

"Oooooooooooook, why don't you just dare me to ask that girl?" he said motioning in the direction of a pretty blonde thing (that he had been eyeing up since they had entered the pub).

Ron was nervous as he approached the afore-said pretty blonde thing.

"Hello" she said nervously as he approached.

"Pick and number between one and ten" Ron said with a smile.

The girl was nonplussed as she replied, "um…seven"

"Correct! Now take off your top!"

The smack of her palm against his freckled face was heard throughout the pub and Ron was forced back to the table, nursing his ego.

"You didn't complete the dare, you didn't ask her out. Let me pick the girl this time!" smirked Harry. "Try her" said Harry motioning to some other girl in another corner of the pub.

Harry noticing again the potential in this game, whispered a sure-fire chat up line in Ron's ear. Ron wasn't too sure about telling this girl about his pulsing member, but the ever-loyal Ron couldn't doubt Harry for a second.

**SLAP **

Ron's face was now hotter than his burning loins and once again returned to the table deflated, with an ever-smaller ego.

This game continued with Ron telling many unfortunate girls around the bar, about various parts of his and/or their anatomy. Always ending with a slap for poor Ron and a laugh for the table of watching Gryfinndors. The twins were adamant that the dare would not end until Ron had found himself a girlfriend; it was going to be a long night.

Ginny, who had long since forgotten the bottle, was now discovering the multiple joys of group sex with Luna, Neville and Seamus in the corner. Who all of which were oblivious to their growing audience.

Hermione used this temporary distraction to seek out a certain angst ridden blonde; who she was convinced was just in need of a good shag to resolve all his many issues.

He had removed himself from the bar and secreted himself into one of the many corners of the pub. As he saw her approach he rolled his eyes and thought to himself

_Can't anyone have a private Emo moment these days without rude interruptions?_

Hermione plonked herself on the stool opposite with a big sigh.

"So…Draco…"

"Granger" he said and acknowledged her presence with a nod in her general direction. He was too busy still staring glumly into his now depressingly empty pint. He was finding many things depressing these days, must have been the music he was listening too. (Got to love funeral for a friend)

"Please, call me Hermione" she said as she simultaneously crossed her legs, showing as much leg as possible in her tiny skirt, and crossed her arms in an attempt to make her cleavage look as ample as possible. (Which wasn't difficult as she had filled out rather well over the summer don't you know!)

The awkward silence was interrupted when a determined Harry stalked to a girl in yet another corner.

This struck Draco as rather amusing. "Oh well, it seems like Potter's noticed old Flora"

"Oh that's a pretty name" commented Hermione.

"Mind you, its not her real name" revealed a slightly intrigued and amused Draco.

"Oh?" Hermione loved a gossip almost as much as Draco did.

"Oh no! Flora's a name she acquired!" Draco emphasised the last word.

Hermione, leaned forward encouraging Draco to continue with the story, and of course to inspect afore-said her rather impressive cleavage.

"They call her that…" he said in an air of conspiracy, "to reflect on her social activities"

Hermione looked confused.

Draco sighed. "She's been**spread around**" he explained.

"Cripes!" She exclaimed. "Will he be ok?"

"In my experience, Harry can cope" and a smile of nostalgia creeped onto his face.

Harry, in the meantime, was deep in conversation with _Flora_. She appeared very impressed with Harry's stories of Voldemort and his fight against evil. To be honest she was more interested looking over his now very hot body.

Harry was obvious becoming distracted by her blatant flirting, as her foot was now pressed against his throbbing manhood, underneath the table.

"Wow, that's interesting…please, tell me how you killed Voldemort" _Flora _said as she fluttered her eyelashes and pouted her lips at the now very flustered mess that was Harry.

"He slipped and fell that was it, slipped and fell. I wasn't even there! He attacked me, it was self-defence, he slipped and fell on his own dagger in self-defence! No wait…oh yeah I killed him…true story"

_Flora _smiled and nodded at him. Then proceeded to skilfully unbutton his fly with her toes.

Harry melted into a pile of goo, "Take me, I'm yours!"

Meanwhile, back on the Gryfinndor table, drinks had run dry…

* * *

References:

Yet more SPACED (Peeeeeggggggggggggggggg!00!1one! awe sigh )

Buffy

The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin (Brit comedy from 70's Starring Leonard Rossiter)

Max and Paddy (another Brit comedy)

Y Tu Mama Tambien

Wyrd Sisters (Pratchett)

LXG


End file.
